What weeds?

Friends, we had weeds. And, I mean big ones. We have a playground area in our backyard. It is a 40 X 24 area filled with gravel and ripped up landscape fabric that is nice in theory but doesn't stay put worth a darn. Oh, and the weeds. I promise you we looked out one day and they were 3 inches tall and the next day they were 16 inches tall. No joke. So, we looked at them and did what any "you've got to be kidding me, it's 97 degrees out there and I am lazy" homeowners would do and ignored them. Luckily, they stopped growing. But, still they were 16 inches tall. I mean, how big do you need them to get before you realize "Houston, we have a problem."

We didn't even talk about them in our house. It was like the problem that everyone knows you have but you don't want to actually verbalize. Then one day I tell my husband, "I think we should try to pull those weeds." And he says, "They will come out easily...their roots can't be any further down than the landscape fabric." WHY did you NOT tell me this BEFORE? I was thinking they were rooted clear to Tampa at least, maybe Miami.

So, for two nights last week, we got out there together and pulled weeds. Sure enough, they did come out pretty easily, but keep in mind this is 960 square feet we're talking about (1280 cubic feet, since they are all 16 inches tall, but I digress) so it still took two nights. And, as we pulled, we had what my friend and colleague, Kira, talks about in her blog---some family time. Just us and nature. Sounds cheesy, I know. But, there wasn't any TV. The dishwasher wasn't running. The cat wasn't having a hairball we had to clean up with our steam vac. Nope, just us and the weeds, our brand new garden gloves from Meijer, and our wheelbarrow...our house, our new life in Normal, Illinois. Thank you, God, for times like these.

As I've thought about this over the last week, I started wondering if weeds grow in our yards so we have to get out there and pull them...you know, hang out OUTSIDE. Breathe in the evening air filled with the neighbor's barbecue chicken, say hi to someone walking their dog by your house...weed pulling gets you out, face to face with your neighbors, whom, as a nation, we don't know anymore. Sad, isn't it? In addition, weed pulling gives you a sense of ownership over your house. It allows you to talk, in close proximity, with your loved ones and those neighbors who may become your loved ones if you would only get to know them. As silly as this sounds, after I've been out pulling weeds, I see the beauty of coming back in and enjoying the AC. When I sit in the house all night, it feels too hot (because I have no reference point) and I'm cranky. :)

The next time you see weeds coming up in your flower bed, instead of thinking "@#$%!@ it!" or "That's it! I'm calling the landscaper!" imagine, if you can, that maybe YOU can be the landscaper...as you shape your yard, pulling weeds may also shape your life.

Something is wrong...but don't talk about it!

Lately, I am concerned because our society doesn't let us express negative emotions. Two days ago, I was told I am not very good with pain. And it left me thinking "Who are these people who ARE good with pain?" And isn't there something WRONG if you are "good" with it? Pain is pain---it is bad. I mean, why do we teach kids not to cry and why do people feel like they have to be calm and not say anything when they are in pain??? If I'm in pain, I think I should feel free to say this hurts, and it sucks. Help me.

A friend of mine wants to become pregnant and isn't. It has been over a year and she is getting a bit upset at this point. But, people are telling her not to get upset...to just calm down. Are we serious about this? If you are wanting to become pregnant and you are not, it seems natural to become a bit upset. If you didn't care, what kind of mom or wife would you be? I mean, are people allowed to ever care about anything? If a person were to just be like "oh well, so I'm not pregnant...anyone for Monopoly?" then something seems WRONG with THAT...not the person who gets a bit upset because they aren't.

Why don't we let our kids cry when their feelings are hurt or when they fall down? I feel better after a good cry myself. Why do we say "shhh, shhh, shhh?" That drives me nuts. I think Hootie and the Blowfish had a good idea when they said just "Let Her Cry." Let's teach our kids to get it out. Let's let them hurt and grieve for a time, and let's be there to teach and help them through it instead of telling them it's not all right to be sad.

Here is the problem with writing...

The problem with writing is that I am never motivated to do it. When I was finishing my dissertation, I would motivate myself to do it by telling myself I could have some candy while writing. Being a psychologist, I know that I am conditioning myself to like writing more by doing this, and I think, "Hey, whatever works, right?" I like candy. Candy good. Candy paired with writing makes writing good. This is great logic except, if you do it, you gain 500 pounds when you have an article that needs to go out. Glorious.

Wednesday I got an email from one of my collaborators asking about a manuscript that needs revised. I told her I would get on it yesterday, but yesterday I was feeling sick, so here I am today working on it. So far, working on it has consisted of making a list of "action items," which are suggested revisions for myself. It has taken me all day to do this. I am a genius when it comes to writing...ha.

My husband is leaving now to help friends with their computer, and on his way out I asked him to bring the Oreos up from the kitchen. Not exactly M&Ms in terms of motivators, but still darn good. I like teaching more and more all the time.

Natalie

Friends

Today I'm thankful for friends. We had a fun trip to Nashville over the weekend with some of our newest friends. Friends bring joy to our lives that we could never find on our own. It is great when someone can see the true you and still love you anyway. I am not usually the mushy type! It's interesting how friends can be so similar to you, and you love them for it, and friends can be so different from you, and you love them for that too. Friends understand when you have to drive everywhere so you don't get car sick. Friends don't make fun of you when you only want to eat "American" food. Friends forgive you when you make a comment that was probably out of line. Friendships take work. Friends are a work of art. Friends are gifts from God. We should keep in touch with friends.

In the news...

As an academic and a consumer of our world, I feel compelled to read the news fervently and keep up with what's going on in our little corner of planet Earth. Today I read a news story that I found very disturbing. A 17-year-old boy in Georgia will be serving 10 years in prison because he engaged in consensual oral sex with a 15-year-old girl. The term consensual is used loosely here because, technically, a 15-year-old girl and a 17-year-old boy cannot "consent" to anything. But, the point is, she was a willing participant...the act was not coerced or forced in any way. It seems this boy, who is now 21 and has served 2+ years in prison for this "heinous crime" already, was charged with aggravated child molestation and found guilty. Georgia's law says that these two individuals would NOT have been charged with a crime if they had engaged in vaginal intercourse due to the "Romeo and Juliet" clause---two young lovers, etc. but, until 2006, oral sex did not qualify as "sexual intercourse." (Thank you, Bill Clinton.)

Thoughts on this:

1) Why on God's green earth was SHE NOT charged??? Let's get this straight. She "touched" him, and he is guilty of aggravated child molestation. Please, this is ludicrous.

2) 10 years in prison, eh? Wow. I heard once that the average sentence for convicted rapists is 8 years. Seems a bit out of whack, no?

3) How many kids are out there doing this? Lest you think I am advocating early sexual experimentation outside of marriage or in non-committed relationships, let me set you straight and tell you I'm not. But! Should this boy be used as an example, put in prison and robbed of 10 years of his life? Come on. He went from an honors student who was studying for the SAT because he was college bound to someone in a jail cell.

Meanwhile, Madeleine McCann's parents are meeting the pope despite the fact that they left their children alone in a hotel room in a foreign country while they dined. Again, am I saying it's not a tragedy that Madeleine was kidnapped? Of course not...it is terrible, and I hope she is found alive and well. But, what are we doing to keep our children safe? Throwing one of them in the slammer for engaging in oral sex with another minor? I think we should re-examine.

Comments welcome.

Welcome to my blog!

Hi everyone,

Welcome to my blog! I have been inspired to start a blog by two things. First, the pastor of my church, Eastview Christian Church, has a blog. Monday I read through every entry of his and thought it was totally fabulous...a good way to figure out what makes people tick. After all, I am a psychologist and would like to hear about things like that. Second, I just finished a two day workshop about teaching and technology. There I learned the ins and outs of blogging, so here I am on google blogs. Smoak Speak is born. It is my hope that you will check in from time to time to see what is going on in the Smoak house and my life at Illinois Wesleyan University. Please feel free to comment on my blog from time to time if you feel led.

Best to all reading this,

Natalie